Reasons
by Mymycherrypie
Summary: Reasons why Thomas is so misunderstood and emotional. Looking back before Downton, it's no wonder he's so miserable. Will contain M/M slash, so if you don't like it, don't read it!
1. Chapter 1

**Hello everyone! This is my first fanfic, so I'm going to try my best and I hope you all like it :)  
It's a little bit depressing and sad, but in the next chapter there will be some cuteness, and I hope I can entertain you all with Thomas' life before Downton. :D**

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Thomas looked up from his book as the distant slamming of the front door echoed through the house from downstairs. He held his breath as his father clambered drunkenly upstairs, grunting noisily with the effort of hauling himself up the steps in the dark. The only light was the feeble glow from the lamp which Thomas had on the desk and he was tempted to extinguish it before his father could find him, but that would probably only make the inevitable harder to bear.

'Thomas?' he slurred, pushing into Thomas' room unstably. He put his book down and looked at his father, his heart pounding madly in his chest, fists clenched, sweat forming on his forehead in horrible anticipation.

'Yes,Father?' he said through gritted teeth.

'Show me what you earned today.' He demanded, swaying slightly. Thomas reached into his pocket and pulled out a few coins, holding them out for his Father to snatch away from him. He scowled at Thomas. 'Where's the rest?' He growled menacingly, prompting Thomas to back away a little.

'I was so hungry, I would have starved if I didn't-'

'WHERE IS THE REST?' He yelled, spittle flying from his mouth. Thomas could smell the pungent aroma of alcohol on his breath and shuddered.

'I stole a loaf of bread. I ran away, but the man found me eating it and made me pay.' Thomas whispered hoarsely.

'I'll make you pay! You're supposed to give that money to me!' His Father yelled, clumsily unlatching his belt and running it through his fingers cruelly. 'If your Mother were alive, she'd be ashamed of you. You're a good for nothing little bastard and you'll get what you deserve, believe me.' He spat, shaking with rage. 'Turn around.' he snarled, glaring hatefully at Thomas.

'Father, Please!'

'TURN AROUND!' He screamed, shoving Thomas around and pulling his shirt roughly over his head, flinging it on the floor. He scanned his eyes over Thomas' back and began beating him ruthlessly with the belt. The heavy, cold, iron buckle cut into his skin and he yelped, trembling with fear and pain. He turned around, tears streaming down his face. Before he could say or do anything, a large fist swung round and smacked him in the face, making his lip bleed and his head spin. He fell to his knees, his body heaving with wracking sobs and cries of anguish as his Father hurt him over and over again.

'You never learn!' He shouted with another lashing of the belt. Thomas grew to hate him. He hated him when his mother was alive, but now it was much worse. His mother had been his only comfort, other than his best friend, Edward of course, and when she left, his world fell apart.

When his father had finished punishing his son, he stumbled out of the room and collapsed on the sofa downstairs, his belt covered in blood and his face contorted with anger.

Thomas shoved his shirt back on, grabbed the lamp and sneaked outside, running tearfully as soon as he was out of the house. He ran to the barn, about half a mile away from his house, and leaned against the wall. He pulled at his hair and clenched his fists so tightly, his nails dug into his skin painfully. He slumped to the ground, his mind a whirlwind and took out his pocket knife, turning the blade over in his hands, watching it glint in the pearly moonlight. He rolled his sleeve up, shaking, and pressed the cold steel to his flesh. He slowly began to drag it across his flesh, but gave in halfway and dropped it to the floor, curling his body up and moaning miserably. He sat there for what seemed like ages, until he could cry no more. He lit a cigarette, stumbling to his feet, sniffing loudly. He looked at his arm where the sleeve still exposed his scarred skin from previous attempts to end it all. Guilt clouded inside him and he closed his eyes, leaning his head back, exhaling curls of grey smoke. He rolled his sleeve back down and heard footsteps approaching. He flinched for a second, fearing that it was his father, but the footsteps were much lighter...

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**Chapter 2 will be up today or tomorrow, depending on reviews and stuff :) xxxx **


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi :) I understand that the last chapter was quite depressing and miserable, but hopefully the next ones will be less so! ** **Romances shall blossom and adventures will be had! ;)** **Please review and follow :D**

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'Oh hello!' Thomas said quietly as Edward walked past the barn on his own, hands in his pockets, looking thoughtfully to the sky.

'Hello Thomas!' he said, leaning against the barn wall beside his best friend. Thomas smiled meekly and took a drag on his cigarette, blowing it out, looking up at the stars. Edward frowned, noticing his friend's red rimmed eyes and tear strewn cheeks. His moonlit skin was pale and his silky, raven hair was ruffled from repeatedly running his hands through it whenever he was nervous or upset.

'Thomas, what's wrong?' he asked tentatively. 'why're you out here?'

Thomas sniffed and his face twisted into one of bitterness and sour disgust.  
'My father' he spat, his voice full of hatred. Edward's heart ached; he hated to see his friend like this and what made it worse was that there was nothing he could do to help. The glint of the knife on the floor caught his eye and he bent to pick it up. Thomas scowled at it, ignoring the worried look on his friend's face.

'Thomas, did you?-'

'No. It was pointless.' he replied guiltily, avoiding Edwards eyes. Without thinking, he placed a reassuring hand on his friend's back, but Thomas winced, gasping slightly.

'Oh God, sorry!' he exclaimed, cursing himself for being so careless.

'It's alright.' Thomas sighed. 'He hurt me badly tonight.' he said, turning to look at Edward. He could see the sadness in his eyes.

'would you like me to take a look?' Edward asked softly, watching Thomas drop his cigarette and grind it into the floor with his shoe.

'If you want to' Thomas said, moving into the barn and closing the door behind them. He had shown Edward his marks before, even the ones on his wrist where he had hurt himself before, but tonight his father had been worse than usual and in his drunken state had beaten Thomas until tears of agony had poured down his face and blood streamed down his back. Edward helped him ease his shirt over his head and drew his breath sharply as open, angry cuts and dried blood stood out against the pale skin of his back. He lightly ran his fingers over the scars and felt Thomas tense and whimper slightly.

'My God.' Edward breathed shakily. Thomas sat down on a hay bale and in the light of the lamp he had brought, he could see Thomas had a split lip and marks on his face. Edward sat beside him, his heart twisting. He looked at Thomas' forearms and at the scars running up his arms and at his bony frame and the defeated look in his eyes and he started sobbing. Thomas looked startled for a moment, then felt embarrassed and put his shirt on.

'Am I really that bad to look at?!' he joked, rubbing Edward's arm sympathetically.

'No, you're very handsome,' He replied shyly 'and kind and funny and I can't understand why that bastard would do this to someone like you!' Edward blurted out, flushed and angry and upset all at the same time.

'Oh come here you daft beggar!' Thomas said, pulling Edward into an embrace, resisting tears himself.

'It won't be like this forever, Edward. I was thinking of leaving...'

'What?'

'Well I'm seventeen for God's sake, and I can't keep living like this. I know I'm only working class, but one day I hope to work in a big house and forget all this.' Edward pulled away and looked at him, smiling sadly.

'What about me?' he said. He knew he sounded selfish, but imagining life without his closest friend was too painful to bear. Thomas smiled and pushed a strand of mousey, wavy hair from his face.

'I don't know. You will have to forget about me, I suppose.' he said. He tilted Edward's chin up.

'Listen to me; you are a wonderful person and you will find someone else to cause mischief and share secrets and laugh and talk with!' he said, not missing the longing, abandoned look lingering in Edward's large, brown eyes.

'But I don't want to find someone else, I want you!' he whispered, taking Thomas' hand in his. He moved his hand to rest at the back of Thomas' neck and leaned close. Thomas followed, tentatively moving his face close to Edward's, his lips parted slightly. Their lips touched, each unsure of what was happening, and Thomas rested his hands on Edward's hips. Edward's lips felt so soft and silky as they moved against his, inexperienced but loving. Thomas slowly parted his lips further, deepening the kiss, sliding his tongue in Edward's mouth, feeling more of him, melting their mouths together. Edward met Thomas' slick, wet tongue with his own and they passionately entwined, absorbing each others warmth. They kissed again, Thomas stroking Edwards thigh and twining their fingers together and Edward's hand running through Thomas' soft hair. Thomas whimpered softly against Edwards lips and squeezed his thigh affectionately. Edward pulled away and stared at Thomas breathlessly.

'Take me with you.' he whispered, his cheeks flushed and hair mussed.

'What?' Thomas ran his fingers through his own hair, trying to process what had just happened. He never knew that it could feel so nice to kiss another man, especially his best friend. But the way Edward spoke, softly, gently to him when he needed it; he could help Thomas forget everything when he was around him. He loved the way his messy hair flopped over those sparkling eyes and his lips, soft and full made him melt. But Thomas had dismissed these thoughts as 'impure' and 'unnatural' before and had had sex with women instead, which he didn't particularly enjoy at all. He didn't think Edward would ever reciprocate his feelings. But now, kissing Edward felt completely natural and right and he took his hand, lovingly caressing it.

'I want to be with you' Edward said, taking his wrist and kissing the scarred skin up his forearm. Thomas felt salty wetness sliding down his arm and saw that Edward was crying silently again.

'Edward, why are you-'

'Thomas please don't hurt yourself again!' He whispered, wishing he could kiss away the scars.

'Okay, I won't.' Thomas said softly, tears forming in his own eyes.

'So can I come with you, wherever you're going?' Edward asked, straightening up and looking Thomas in his sparkling blue eyes. 'like you said, we're seventeen, we can leave home and work someplace else.'

'Do you want to leave all this behind, though?' Thomas asked, gesturing towards the village. Edward leaned in, chastely pressing his lips to Thomas' in a soft kiss.

'I don't care as long as I'm with you.' he whispered, blushing slightly, although he meant it.

'Alright then' Thomas whispered, his heart lifting. He got up and crept further to the back of the barn.

'Where are you going?' Edward asked, looking to see where Thomas had disappeared to. After a minute, he returned with a small bag, placing it down beside Edward.

'When I said I was thinking of leaving, I really meant it. Earlier, I packed some things and left them here so I could leave tonight.' He said, pulling out a blanket which was small and scratchy, but warm, and laying it on the hay.

'You were going to leave me without saying goodbye?' Edward said, shuddering as a cold breeze swept in through the jagged cracks in the old barn walls. Thomas pulled the blanket over himself, shifting to get comfortable.

'Come over here, you're cold.' Thomas said, ignoring his question. Edward got up and lay beside Thomas on his side, facing him. He could feel the slow rise and fall of Thomas' chest and his warm breath on his face.

'You weren't going to say goodbye?' Edward repeated, worrying that Thomas didn't actually want him to come. Thomas sighed, looking caringly into Edward's eyes.

'I didn't want you to feel sorry for me.' He whispered. 'I didn't think I could bear leaving you, but now I'm glad you came.' He smiled and wrapped his arms around Edwards body, pulling him closer and burying his face against his neck, taking his beautiful smell.

'I will never leave you.' Edward whispered softly into his ear before they both drifted off to sleep, nestled in eachothers arms.

That night, both men dreamed of a new life, one filled with happy memories and love.

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**Thanks for reading, it's much appreciated :) Next chapter will hopefully be up soon, when I've finished writing it xxxx**


	3. Chapter 3

**It's quite a short chapter, but the next one will make up for it, I promise ;)**  
**Thank you for reading, reviewing, following and favouriting my story, It really means a lot to me, and I hope I can continue to please you with Thomas' adventures! xxxx**

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Edward slowly opened his eyes, blinking lazily as he adjusted to the light streaming through the gaps in the barn walls. He felt Thomas sigh peacefully in his sleep and rested his head drowsily against his chest. Despite the cold night, the morning sun spread a vivacious warmth through the village, prompting Edward to eventually rise from his restful slumber and prepare to leave. He glanced at the sleeping figure huddled under the blanket and his heart warmed fondly. Thomas looked so content, Edward was reluctant to move him; his hair was ruffled and hung messily over his eyes, his features relaxed and his body curled warmly against the cover. He leaned over to Thomas and gently shook him awake.

'Thomas, It's morning, wake up' Edward said softly as Thomas groaned in protest at being disturbed from such a blissful slumber. Edward smiled and moved to press his lips to Thomas' cheek. Thomas opened his eyes immediately and smirked, angling his head slightly so his lips could meet Edward's

'Good morning' Thomas muttered against his mouth as they kissed. Edward grinned and pulled away, sweeping the blanket off Thomas and folding it roughly into the bag. Then he had a sudden thought and his stomach plunged anxiously.

'Won't your father be looking for you?' Edward exclaimed, panic bubbling in his chest. Thomas sat up, stretching and rubbing his eyes.

'No don't worry, he wouldn't normally expect to see me in the morning because I work early at the farm. This is the longest I've ever slept in.

'But it's seven o' clock!'

'Exactly!' He snorted, reaching for the bag. He'd only brought basic necessities and a small amount of money; if he'd taken any more, his father might have become suspicious.

They prepared to leave and then set off, away from the village with hope in their hearts and without a second glance back.


	4. Chapter 4

**Quite long, Hope you enjoy :) Warning for a little bit of slash and skinny dipping! ;)**  
**Reviews are love :D**

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For hours they travelled, the sun unusually hot, scorching down on them, forcing them to rest frequently to catch their breath. They approached a river, and sought shade beneath a gnarled, old oak tree. Edward pulled his shirt off, panting slightly and sweating heavily in the stifling heat, and left it in a crumpled mess beside him. Thomas lay back on the grass and pushed his hair off his damp forehead, sighing calmly.

A beautiful bronze had spread across the cloudless sky, highlighting the blond streaks in Edward's tousled hair. His skin shone slightly with a thin sheen of sweat from both the heat and the journey, and Thomas thought he looked rather handsome with the sun's golden rays enhancing his features.

He rolled over to face Edward and ran a hand over his bare chest. They hadn't yet spoken about the sudden change in their relationship- it was all very new to both men- but Thomas didn't mind their new-found intimacy. He'd never thought that Edward felt the same way, and now that he did, he was the only person he wanted to be with. They had been best friends from six years old, and had shared everything together.

Now, Thomas looked over at his friend and saw how much he had matured and changed. His voice had deepened, and his features were more defined. His once scrawny frame had become strong and muscular, and hair flecked lightly over his chest and under his arms. Now, instead of looking at Thomas with that playful glint in his eye, he watched him with a much deeper, stronger affection.

Edward looked at him, his eyes running briefly over his sweat damp shirt. 'Aren't you hot Thomas?' he asked.

'Yes, I'm absolutely roasting, why?' Thomas said, looking curiously up at his friend.

'Well... why don't you take your shirt off?' He asked, somewhat suggestively, and Thomas felt his cheeks burning. 'Oh, don't be shy Thomas!' he laughed, tugging Thomas' shirt up, revealing a flat, toned stomach. Thomas smiled bashfully and removed the rest of his top. Edward's eyes gazed over Thomas' body, and then met with his sparkling blue eyes. He lightly glided a hand over Thomas chest and felt him shudder beneath his touch. He then got up and took off his trousers, flinging them on the floor with his shirt.

'What are you doing?' Thomas asked, also standing up. Edward shot a grin at him, his green eyes shining youthfully in the light of the sun.

'Going for a swim!' He laughed, as he stepped out of his underwear and leapt into the river fully naked. 'Are you coming or not?' he called, splashing playfully in the water, gesturing for Thomas to join him. He looked at Edward, almost in pleasant surprise and then tentatively began to remove his own clothing. Edward's grin faded from his face as he eyed Thomas' beautiful, pale body. Even from the back he looked lovely, smooth curved shoulders, strong and muscular (albeit scarred) back, narrow waist with firm buttocks and long legs. Edward swallowed thickly and then remembered just in time to breathe. Thomas then turned around and slipped elegantly into the water, sighing as the cooling water dispersed the overheated feeling from his body. He dipped his head beneath the water to wet his hair, and smiled contentedly at Edward.

Edward broke out of his momentary trance and began splashing and swimming around Thomas, enjoying the coolness of the river as the sun set rapidly. They swam for ages, satisfied with each others company, until they grew slightly fatigued and decided to stay there for the night before progressing onto the next village with the hope of staying somewhere with food and a bed.

'Edward!' Thomas called as his friend waded in the water towards him.

'Yes?' He replied, coming to face Thomas, their bodies so close, they could feel each others heat despite the cold water. Thomas' heart thudded in his chest suddenly and he swayed a little, feeling light-headed

'W- we should get some-um- rest tomorrow, it's going to be a long day.' He managed to mutter, intoxicated by the proximity of Edward.

'Yes, we should...' Edward muttered, leaning in to catch Thomas' lips before he turned away. Thomas melted into the kiss, holding onto Edward's body closely as his tongue slid into his mouth. Edward's hands squeezed Thomas' hips softly as he pulled him closer, arousal stirring inside him, deepening the passionate kisses.

Something hard pushed into Thomas' hip, and he pulled away from the kiss, startled. He looked at Edward, who was blushing furiously and the corners of his lips curved into a little smile. He softly pressed a kiss to Edwards jaw, and dipped his hands below the surface of the water, running his fingers up Edward's thigh, causing him to shiver, slightly from the growing cold as the night dawned, but mostly from the stimulation which Thomas gave him from the simple act of touching his thigh.

'Um. Let's get out of the water before it gets too cold.' He whispered, slightly breathless. Thomas bit his lip, his breathing heavy and his heart beating rapidly, and nodded. As they silently made their way back to the tree, Thomas caught a glimpse of Edwards erection and felt blood surge to his crotch almost instantly. He ran his hands through his damp hair and got dressed, before settling himself under the blanket beneath the tree. It would be too cold to sleep without clothes, he thought, and Edward obviously had the same idea as he too dressed before slipping under the blanket.

It was dark and they could hardly see each other now, save from the pale glow of moonlight. Thomas looked at Edward through the darkness and stroked his face lovingly. He rejoined his lips with Edward's and let his hand slip down his body, learning that he was still hard and straining against his trousers desperately. There was no sound except from the noise of deep, wet kisses and hushed rustling of clothes.

Thomas cupped his hand around the bulge in Edward's trousers and squeezed gently, causing him to moan against Thomas' lips. Thomas felt his own trousers growing tight, and rolled over so that he was on top of Edward, straddling his hips. He felt fingers unbuttoning him, so he repeated the action for Edward, freeing his straining cock. He gasped suddenly as Edward's nimble fingers began to stroke him gently, rubbing back and forth to bring him closer and closer to the edge. He felt Edward buck his hips to give himself some friction, and quickly touched Edward's cock in the same way, so both men were moaning and gasping together in the darkness, pleasuring each other simultaneously.

Thomas bit into the soft flesh of Edward's neck, gasping loudly as he climaxed, quickly cupping his free hand over his cock as he came, shortly followed by Edward who did the same thing. They collapsed on top of one another, a panting, sweaty mess. They pulled up their trousers and listened to the slowing of each others breathing before drifting off into a heavenly sleep.

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**Yeah, so this is your reward for reading it all the way through so far ;)**  
**Thanks guys :) xxxx**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello :) Thank you to everyone who had reviewed my story so far, and followed it! It really means a lot to me, and the more reviews; the more likely I am to update quicker! ;) xxxx**

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The next day, they continued on their way to the nearest hint of civilisation (wherever that was) after reluctantly waking up and setting off, still buzzing slightly from the event that had taken place that night.

The day was less hot however, and a summery breeze danced around them as they trudged, ravished and exhausted to their destination. occasionally Edward would catch Thomas glancing at his body from the corner of his eye lustfully, and smirked, taking his hand in his, which was fine seeing as there was no one there to see them.

However, when they were in public, they would no longer be allowed to share loving touches or glances anymore They would have to keep their relationship a secret, or else face prison. Edward released Thomas' hand and flushed angrily as he began to inwardly argue with the law.

_Why should it be illegal to love another man? It's not as if it's harming anyone!_

_{But there must be a reason for it; after all it is sinful and against God to love another man romantically}_

_Am I going to hell?_

_{You don't even know what happens with two men! You don't know the... acts that take place...}_

_Stop it!_

_{Sodomy is illegal, sinful and severely punishable, what have you gotten yourself into?}_

_But I like Thomas..._

_{As a friend! You have been attracted to women before, why can't you just leave it at that?!}_

_Shut up! Shut up! Oh look at me,I'm pathetic, arguing with myself! Why can't it just be simple?_

Thomas looked over at Edward who looked rather crimson-faced and anxious and angry and thoughtful all at the same time

'Edward?' Thomas asked, stopping to look at the emotional wreck who had replaced Edward.

'Yes?' he mumbled, refusing to look Thomas in the eye.

'Is something the matter?' He asked worriedly, gently resting his hands on either side of Edwards shoulders.

'No, I'm just tired.' He muttered, feigning an unconvincing smile.

'Well, we'll be there soon.' Thomas said, unconvinced.

They came to a road and followed it for hours until they could see some buildings in the distance beyond the night had come, and the air grew cold, and both men were practically dragging themselves along. Thomas perked his head up and squinted at the silhouettes.

'Edward, look!' He said, pointing in the direction of the houses. Edward miserably looked up and sighed, unsure if he was relieved or exhausted or starving. All he wanted to do was curl up into a ball and sleep.

'We can't make it that far tonight!' He exclaimed, looking around helplessly. Thomas was shivering uncontrollably and looked particularly vulnerable. He was much skinnier than Edward, and slightly more exposed, obviously due to his background, although he wouldn't admit it.

_That's just like him, never willing to accept defeat or weakness..._

_{That's not necessarily a good thing.}_

_What?! Go away!_

_{I'm just saying; he's better off as a friend...}_

_But last night-_

_{-was a mistake.}_

_How could you say that?!_

_{You can't love another man, it's wrong!}_

_But when he touches me I-_

_{-Lust. Lust is sinful. You're better than this, you can have a normal life, with a wife and children and love and a family, or eternal damnation. Which do you choose?}_

_Why must I choose?_

Edward groaned, clutching his head in his hands. He hated his conscience. He always had to be good or sensible or right, and he hated it. All he wanted to do was follow his heart, but apparently he would go to hell for that.

'Are you alright?' Thomas interrupted his thoughts, and he looked at him, frowning.

'I just have a headache, that's all.' He mumbled. Thomas looked at him worriedly and pressed a hand to his head affectionately.

'Okay, well then we don't have to travel anymore if you're not feeling up to it.' He said, and they rested beneath a small canopy of trees scattered beside the road. Thomas sat against a tree, wrapping the blanket tightly around them. Edward leaned against his chest and warmly nuzzled into his arms. Thomas put a hand on Edward's head again and gently massaged his temples gently with his fingers. He buried his face in his hair and closed his eyes.

'Does that feel better?' Thomas asked, his lips moving against Edward's hair.

'Hmmm?'

'Your headache?'

'Oh, yes thank you...'' Edward whispered, relaxing as Thomas moved his hands down to his neck and tentatively stroked there, and then to his shoulders. Edward sighed huskily as Thomas curved his neck round and began kissing his face and neck gently, hands running lightly over his chest to rest at his waist as his arms curled around his stomach and held him close.

The heat of Thomas' skin so close to his and the heady scent of cigarette smoke, sweat and just 'Thomas' made Edward dizzy and his heart fluttered like a teenage girl's. He moved his head to let Thomas' mouth softly move against his, and he let his hand reach up and caress Thomas' cheek.

_{Edward, you're throwing the chance of a normal life away}_

_No! Not now, can't you just leave me alone?_

_{You know I'm right...}_

_No you're not, I have feelings for Thomas!_

_{You're not a real man}_

_...Excuse me?_

_{It's true. Real men don't love other men!}_

_..._

Edward pulled away and looked at Thomas, suddenly worried.

'Am I a real man?' He asked, realising how ridiculous the question sounded only after he had said it. Thomas just smirked, and his hand trailed down, groping Edward's crotch teasingly. Edward couldn't help himself, he instantly responded and was half hard when Thomas answered.

'Well if this is anything to go by, then yes, I would say you were a real man!' He breathed, nibbling slightly on Edward's ear and running hands all over his body.

'No, I mean...men like us?'

'What?

'Men who love other men!'

'What about them?' Thomas asked, his hands freezing suddenly. He frowned as Edward groaned loudly, obviously in despair.

'Are they real men?' He asked, a furious red spreading across his cheeks, although the dark disguised it. Thomas snorted.

'Of course they are! Why wouldn't they be?!' He asked, turning to look at Edward, lines of concern crossing his features.

'I don't know... But why is it illegal?'

'Because people are too closed-minded to realise that we are equal to everyone else, only with different preferences.'

'Y-Yes, I suppose you're right...' Edward mumbled, resting his head in the crook of Thomas' arm, feeling Thomas relax again.

'Of course I am!' He whispered, kissing Edward's head again, and stroking his hair lightly. 'Now, don't worry about it anymore and get some sleep!'

Thomas wrapped Edward in his arms again and They both fell soon asleep, ready to begin the beginning of their new life the next day.

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**:) So we shall see what the next chapter brings for dear Thomas and Edward... Please review, etc! Thank you, love you all!**  
**xxxx**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hello! The next chapter has finally arrived, and I would like to thank cookinthekitchen and El-Poynterx for being such a great help in writing this story! Warning for M/M slash this chapter.**

**Anyway, onwards with the adventures :D**

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'Well, at least we can have a bed to sleep in tonight.' Thomas said exhaustedly as they wearily approached The Ripon Arms.

They had woken late, and had to hurry to Ripon before dusk fell, and now; hungry and foul-tempered (as one would be after three days of uncomfortable travelling) they intended to finally relax and eat some decent food. Edward had been mainly silent during the journey, and Thomas put it down to fatigue, although he was still concerned for his lover. Whenever he asked what the matter was, Edward just gruffly denied there was a problem.

The inn was dimly lit and half-full, and there was a low murmur of voices as Thomas and Edward sat down. They ordered some food and drink and discussed their futures as the inn filled up, growing rowdy and merry with drunkards and attention-seekers shouting and singing at the tops of their voices.

'We need to find work' Thomas said loudly over the table as more people entered and music began playing. Even though the hour was late, people had to shout to be heard over the colourful noise coming from the tipsy crowds.

'Yes, but what will we do?' Edward asked, nervously running his hand through his hair.

Just then, a beautiful young woman approached them with long, silky hair which flowed past her shoulders, framing creamy breasts which were only just covered by her extremely low-cut dress. She was fairly short, but curvaceous and womanly, with a narrow waist but wide hips. Her face was rounded, with plump lips and flawless skin, and a pink blush spread across her soft features. She blinked flirtatiously at them, watching Edward in particular with sparkling hazel eyes beneath thick, long lashes.

'Can I get you any drinks boys?' She asked in a voice as smooth as velvet. She leaned over the table slightly, and Edward had a full view of her generous cleavage. Thomas almost rolled his eyes.

'No thank you, I've already ordered thank you' he said plainly, completely uninterested in the girl. Edward however licked his lips and struggled to control his breathing as her musky, perfumed scents made him slightly dizzy. She smiled sweetly, pouting her pink lips slightly as she did so.

'Well, If you need anything else, then just ask' She said huskily before sweeping away. Thomas snorted.

'A whore if ever I saw one!' he muttered, but Edward seemed to be in a dream.

{She's what you should be lusting over, not Thomas!}

I've only just met her-

{-But she's beautiful.}

Yes, but so is Thomas!

{Her breasts, her hips, her legs...}

No! I'd much rather be with Thomas-

'-Edward?'

'Hmm?'

'Maybe we should go to our room after we've eaten?' Thomas said, as the woman returned with food, shooting Edward a saucy wink, causing him to blush and look away, embarrassed.

'Yes' he mumbled, digging hungrily into his meal and forgetting all about the barmaid.

When they had finished eating, Thomas retrieved a key from the innkeeper and they went upstairs. The room was small but big enough for one double bed and a few drawers to store things. The innkeeper had said that they were so busy, they only had one room to spare, and it only had one double bed. Thomas had smirked inwardly at this convenient news and said that they would 'find a way to compromise.'

Thomas dropped the bag beside the desk in the corner and slumped onto the bed, closing his eyes and sinking into the mattress. He sighed, satisfied, and opened one eye to see Edward pulling his shirt off and dropping it onto the floor. He went into the bathroom to wash up, and Thomas took the chance to undress, stuffing his clothes into the bag and slipping under the covers, naked and waiting for Edward.

When he returned, Edward was pyjama-clad and rubbing his face with a clean, crisp towel.

'There's a cupboard in there with towels and toiletries and spare bedclothes and pyjamas.' He said, hopping into bed with Thomas. He curled his body beneath the covers, warm and comfortable, and Thomas shuffled towards him, wrapping bare arms around his waist.

Edward gasped as Thomas pressed his body against his back, softly kissing the nape of his neck.

'Thomas, are you naked?' He said nervously, feeling Thomas' legs curl around his own. He reached around and grasped Edward's hand, bringing it to his bare chest. He could feel Thomas' heart racing beneath his skin, and moved his hand along his lean torso, feeling smooth skin and the occasional dark hair on his fingertips. He rolled over to face Thomas, and their lips softly met, slowly and intimately kissing as hands roamed over each others bodies.

Thomas suddenly moaned in a surge of lust and arousal, and rolled on top of Edward, thrusting his hips into Edward's, growling slightly at the thin cloth of his pyjamas which separated them. He slid his hands down Edward's back and pulled off his clothes until he was completely naked and wanton for Thomas' passionate erections touched, sending a shudder through both of them, and Edward uttered a small whimper against Thomas throat.

{This is wrong}

No, It's love!

{Stop being so foolish and end it now before it's too late!}

There's nothing wrong, stop overreacting

{It's against God, the law, and the moral rules of man, you will suffer...}

Will I?

Edward suddenly froze, moving his body away slightly, and a whisper of cold air drifted between their bodies. He looked at Thomas guiltily

'What's wrong?' Thomas panted, quivering still from the excitement.

'I-I don't think I can do this.' Edward stuttered, beginning to pull away from Thomas, but he pulled him back into an embrace.

'Why? Don't be shy Edward...' He began, leaning in to kiss Edward, who pulled away before their lips could touch.

'It's not that,' Edward said, glancing at their current state of nudity. If anything, seeing Thomas naked made it even more difficult to refuse him. 'I don't know what to... do.' he lied 'And I don't want to get it wrong.' He blushed, hoping his ignorance would make Thomas sympathetic and leave him be for the night.

It created completely the opposite effect.

'Edward, I love you, I don't care if you're good or not; all I want is to be with you...'

Edward's heart snapped into a million pieces. It's too late. He loves me and now I'm going to break his heart.

{It'll be fine}

He is the one person who loves me most in the world...

{But you don't love him!}

Do I?

{Just tell him you're not interested.}

I wish he would stop looking at me like that, it just makes it harder...

Thomas began kissing a trail down his body, pulling him from his thoughts. He softly slid his lips against Edward's smooth, salty skin, moving further and further down until he reached his crotch. He trailed his tongue up his thigh, eliciting a gasp from Edward. He teased his lips around his cock, making Edward arch his hips towards his mouth.

'Thomas, I- ahhh!' Edward was cut off as Thomas took him fully in his mouth and began to slide his lips around Edward's erection. It wasn't long before Edward was a panting mess on the bed, writhing and crying out and begging for more.

'Faster, please!' He gasped as Thomas' tongue worked frantically back and forth against his cock. He curled his hands in Thomas' hair tugging gently as he shuddered to a climax.

'Ahh Thomas I'm going to-' He choked out as he came into Thomas' mouth, throwing his head back and crying out loudly.

When he opened his eyes, Thomas was watching him, touching himself desperately. Edward crawled across the bed to bring his lips to Thomas', sharing a passionate kiss as he slipped his hand between Thomas' legs. Thomas whimpered appreciatively, rocking his hips in time with Edward's strokes and it didn't take much for him to collapse in a heap of bliss, his wet and sticky body lying on Edward's.

Thomas reluctantly got out of bed to clean himself up and prepare for bed, before returning to press a soft kiss to Edward's forehead. He curled beneath the covers, secured in Edward's strong arms and drifted into a deep sleep.

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**Thank you so much for taking the time to read this :) It means a lot! Reviews are ALWAYS lovely to read, and please favourite/follow if you so wish! xxxx**


	7. Chapter 7

**Thank you to my reviewers and followers, you lovely people! I hope this story is going okay for you and if you have any suggestions, please feel free to review and post your request, although I have a pretty good idea where it'll be going, but I'm open to any other thoughts! :) xxxx**

* * *

Thomas groaned as a golden stream of light came through the curtains, causing him to stir sleepily. He reached out to wrap his limbs warmly around Edward, but was instead met with emptiness. He sat up, rubbing his eyes, and looked around wearily and his heart cracked slightly when Edward was nowhere to be seen.

'Edward?' he mumbled, wondering if he was in the bathroom. When there was no reply, an unsettling feeling pooled in Thomas' stomach. He crawled out of bed and changed quickly, noticing the absence of Edward's clothes in the bag.

_What if he's left me?_

He composed himself and went downstairs to the bar area, looking around worriedly.

_Am I overreacting?_

He leaned over the bar, trying to maintain his composure, and spoke coolly to the promiscuous barmaid.

'Have you seen a young man around here? Mousy hair, green eyes, about my height and quite-quite –handsome' Thomas blushed at his own description of his lover, hoping the barmaid wouldn't notice. She smirked. Oh _him?_ Yes he is very handsome isn't he?' she mused, half to herself, resting petite, well-manicured hands on her curvy hips. Thomas frowned.

_Why is this ridiculous whore wasting my time?!_

'Yes, he went out early this morning, he asked me to give you this note when you came down.' She said, retrieving a neatly folded piece of paper with writing scrawled on it.

'Thank you' He said, unfolding the paper and scanning it over with his eyes.

_Thomas,_

_I've gone out for some fresh air_

_Be back soon_

_Edward_

Thomas felt slightly relieved that Edward was alright and hadn't left him, but an unsettling feeling still churned in his stomach at the thought that something was wrong.

_He hasn't seemed quite himself recently. Perhaps he's unwell?_

Thomas panicked as thoughts of the one person he loved in a state of ailment crept into his mind. He decided to go and search for Edward and hopefully discover what was wrong. He left the inn, shoving the note into his pocket and set out to find Edward.

_I'm not checking up on him… I just want to talk._

He had gone into the main town, searching for a long while and was about to give up when he spotted a tall figure pacing around behind the rows of houses, running his fingers nervously through his hair and eventually slumping miserably to the ground. Thomas stepped closer and saw the mousy, tangled hair and tan skin of his forearms. His sleeves were rolled up and his broad shoulders were hunched over as he hugged his knees tightly to his chest. He looked up for a brief moment and Thomas caught a glimpse of those beautiful eyes and began walking tentatively towards Edward before his heart burst.

He sat down beside Edward who was slightly startled and somewhat distressed by his appearance. His eyes were red-rimmed and his cheeks shone with tears which he hastily wiped away, attempting to appear fine.

'I told you I'd be back soon.' He grumbled, avoiding Thomas' eye.

'Well, I worried. And I wanted to talk to you' he said seriously. Edward still didn't look at him.

'What about?'

'You. Are you alright, because you've been rather unlike yourself recently?' Thomas said, resting a hand on Edward's knee. Edward sighed dejectedly and looked wearily up at his friend.

'I just feel rather ill and I have a horrible headache.' He said, not untruthfully. All the thinking he had done had made him completely exhausted and his head now pounded achingly. Thomas looked at him sadly before checking there was no one around and pressing a tender kiss to his cheek.

'Well why don't you get back to the inn and rest in bed, while I stay in town and look for some work?' He offered. Edward just nodded meekly and stumbled to his feet, making his way back to the inn. Thomas gave him one last compassionate look before setting off to search for suitable employment.

* * *

That evening, Edward sat at the table and ordered his sixth drink. He slurred and slumped over the table, rambling aimlessly to himself as he tried to drink away his sorrows. But it didn't work. He just got more miserable and began to hate himself more and more.

_See how much he cares for me? I think I love him, I really do._

_{Look at you, you're a mess. All because of him}_

_No, because of myself. He's probably not being pathetic as I am; arguing with myself constantly._

_{You never doubted yourself before…}_

_Why did I kiss him?_

_{Because you are a fool}_

_I am! Men can't love men…_

_{Exactly!}_

_What am I doing with Thomas? It's just a phase…_

_{…which is now over…}_

_Yes, I am a real man!_

Just then the barmaid from earlier came and sat opposite Edward, looking flirtatious and doe-eyed. He blinked at her slowly through tired, drunken eyes and leaned across the table to slur in her ear;

'I am a real man.'

_{Prove it!}_

She giggled under her breath and took his hand forwardly.

'Yes… I know you are!' she purred, moving her face close to his. 'It's getting very late, why don't you come upstairs…' Edward wobbled onto his feet and she led him up the stairs, giggling as he stumbled in his blurry-mindedness.

She quickly shut the door behind him, her hands wandering around his back as he kissed her sloppily, clumsily attempting to remove her dress, but doing a dreadful job of it. Eventually, he just pulled his trousers half down, pushing her down onto the bed, hitching up her dress and pulling her underwear off, flinging the delicate, frilly fabric onto the floor. He pushed inside her, feeling her arch around him, gasping slightly.

' Ohh! You should get drunk more often!' She sighed as he began to thrust into her, sweat making his clothes stick to his body slightly. It all felt fuzzy and cumbersome, but Edward needed to prove himself.

_{See! This is right, now you can forget all about Thomas…}_

_It doesn't feel right…_

She clutched onto his shoulders, writhing and gasping in pleasure, wantonly moaning for more. He bit his lip, feeling some sort of drunken climax approach him.

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**Bet you didn't expect that! :O or maybe you did. Either way, OH NO WHAT HAS EDWARD DONE I HOPE THOMAS DOESN'T FIND OUT!**

**Please review and stuff, because it is much appreciated and thank you for reading this far my lovelies! xxxx**


	8. Chapter 8

Thomas returned to the pub feeling rather positive. Aside from Edward's disappearance and sudden headache, he'd had a relatively good day. He had asked around town in places, searching for employment, and had had a few suggestions. An elderly couple had advised him to go into Thirsk as it had many farms around, and quite a few were short of farm hands. He had thanked them and continued his search; a simple farm job would do for now, but secretly he hoped for something a little more ambitious. Some more advice was given along the same lines as the day went on, but one particular suggestion was at the nearby village of Downton, where there were surely places available. They had said that the household was constantly expanding, what with one of the daughters getting married and two younger sisters who were surely being bombarded with suitors. Thomas had always fancied the idea of working in service; the handsome uniforms, the rich and attractive house… But he wouldn't tell Edward. He feared it would be too much for him, and didn't want him to feel too pressured as he had probably never done as much hard work as Thomas had in his lifetime.

He entered the pub, eager to see his lover, and went upstairs. The barmaid wasn't there, and only one man served people, frantically dashing around and cursing to himself. Thomas smirked. He knew that woman would be trouble, neglecting her duties.

_Probably off shagging some poor drunk somewhere! _He snorted to himself, approaching their room. He slowed down and frowned as he heard suspicious noises coming from the room. He turned the handle, wondering what was making that dreadful moaning sound.

'What in God's name is-' Thomas stepped into the room and froze suddenly, his eyes settling on the two indecent figures lying on his and Edward's bed, obviously in the middle of some licentious act. The man scrambled off the woman and Thomas immediately recognized her as the promiscuous barmaid. Her long, silky hair was ruffled, and her cheeks were thoroughly flushed. The man pulled up his trousers and turned around, his face crimson and his hands trembling slightly. Thomas' heart stopped for a moment.

'Edward?' He breathed, feeling utterly cold and lost all of a sudden. This was a cruel dream and he would wake up any minute.

'I'm sorry!' Edward choked before turning to the girl who looked thoroughly confused. 'I think you should go.' He said, trying to keep his voice steady. She got up, sliding her underwear back on and shrugged, looking rather tousled and flushed. She leaned in to kiss Edward and whisper 'later?' in his ear but he shook his head.

'I can't' he said, focusing on keeping his head clear, but it wasn't working. She left the room, closing the door as she smirked 'I'll leave you two to it then…'

Edward looked slowly looked up at Thomas guiltily, his stomach churning sickeningly. Thomas just stared at him silently, apparently waiting for an explanation. Then Edward realized.

_I do love him._

The look of hurt on Thomas' face was painful, and he felt awful. He got up to face his friend.

'Thomas, you have to understand that-'

'No don't you dare give me that!' Thomas hissed. He could smell the pungent aroma of alcohol on Edward's breath, but he was too upset to care. 'Why should I understand? If you'd rather shag the barmaid, you could've just told me before leading me to hope that we might be able to have something!' He snarled, feeling alone in the world once more. This was a worse pain than the one his father had given him.

'No, it's not like that!' He slurred, trying to keep focus.

'Explain then!' Thomas snapped.

'After I kissed you, I started having thoughts… That it was wrong and sinful and that I would surely be punished for having an attraction to another man.' Edward whimpered, tears threatening to spill down his cheeks. 'I thought that if I slept with a woman, I would prove to myself that I was… normal.' Thomas snorted disgustedly.

'Why did you kiss me in the first place then?' He growled, striving to keep his temper. Edward shrugged.

'It was a spur of the moment decision. But now I realize that I do love you!' He pleaded, sobbing freely now. He had ruined everything and now he couldn't even return home, in case Thomas' father or his family were looking for them. He didn't want to betray Thomas to his father, even though he had already betrayed his heart.

'Well now it's too late!' Thomas shouted, storming out of the room and out of the pub, into the darkness of the night.


	9. Chapter 9

Thomas fled as fast as he could, the night air crisp and cold. His heartbeat pounded in his ears as he ran and ran, feeling all the pain he had ever felt flooding back to him. It felt as though everyone he had ever loved had betrayed him, the world was against him, and he was being forced to live a life of inevitable misery. Rain poured from the sky and wind whipped around him, as if the weather felt the same way. He knew where he wanted to go. He knew what he wanted to do, but all this time it had been other people who had held him back.

_Not anymore_

Now it was him versus the world; he had let so much shit happen to him, and he was only seventeen. Surely there was more to life than this?

The sky was so dark, he could barely make out the silhouette of the trees lining the road, bending dangerously at the forceful gusts. He squinted against the blustering wind and continued for hours, his face wet with rain or tears, he couldn't tell anymore. He looked up, pushing forward in the needles of rain thrusting against his face from the murky sky and saw a flash of lightning light up the sky for a split second before letting out a low rumble of distant thunder.

_Perfect._

The stormy night dragged on and Thomas grew weary, not even knowing where he was going anymore. He just walked miserably, shivering as cold rainwater drenched his clothes and clung heavily to his skin. The weather was actually rather horrific compared to earlier that day, when it was relatively bright and cool.

Thomas couldn't stand any longer, and staggered to the side of the road in exhaustion, collapsing almost instantly, his head lolling to the side as dark covered his eyes and he fell unconscious.


	10. Chapter 10

**Sorry I haven't updated for a while, I've been rather busy the past few weeks!**

**Anyway... onwards...**

* * *

Thomas slowly and painfully opened his eyes. His limbs were twisted in an unnatural position from where he had fallen asleep the previous night and he couldn't stop shaking. He wanted to get up, but his body felt heavy and lifeless, his stomach unsettled and his joints stiff and weak.

The light, cloudy, greyish tinge in the sky showed it was still very early morning, and Thomas staggered to his feet, trying to gain his bearings.

There it was.

In the distance was the large, grand house, and it seemed almost guarded from the foul weather as a halo of blue skies surrounded it. It looked like a perfect painting and Thomas would have cried with joy if he weren't feeling so unwell. He had the chills and had to clench his teeth to prevent them from chattering. He looked down at himself, seeing his wet, dirty scruffy clothes and unkempt appearance.

_They would never employ me looking like this…_

_{But I have to at least try}_

He took a deep breath and prepared to continue, but he was halted by a sharp pain stabbing through his chest, and then a bought of painful coughing, bringing up phlegm as he wheezed breathlessly, clutching his stomach and doubling over.

When he finally recovered, he saw a woman approach him, with dark hair, a long black dress and a kindly face.

'My, my,' she said sympathetically, almost to herself. 'Are you quite alright young man?' She asked, resting a kind hand on Thomas' back as he coughed again, wincing at the pain.

'Yes, thank you, I'm quite alright, I just-' He broke off, and clutched his stomach, groaning quietly. He made to cover his mouth, but vomited suddenly onto the floor, turning away from the woman as he did so, violently retching up the contents of his stomach. He wiped his mouth when it ended and turned back around, trembling uncontrollably now.

'Sorry' he mumbled, his breathing rapidly becoming more and more difficult. The woman still just smiled compassionately at him and rubbed his arm.

'I don't think you are' she said and glanced back at Downton abbey, from where she came. 'I'll take you back with me.' She said, already guiding him softly to the Abbey. 'I was going to spend the morning in Ripon running errands for her Ladyship, but then I didn't expect to come across you looking so terribly unwell!' She conversed in that calming voice of hers. 'What about you, where are you going? She asked.

'Downton Abbey,' Thomas said meekly, gesturing towards the building she had just come from. 'Looking for work.' He groaned as his stomach clenched again. She smiled sympathetically

'Well you've come to the right place!' She soothed, rubbing his back softly as he bent over and vomited again. 'My name's Mrs Hughes'

'Sorry, I hate for you to see this!' He choked as he recovered, wrinkling his nose in disgust at the mess he had made on the floor.

'Don't be, you can't help it if you're poorly! Have you been out here all night?' She asked, lines of concern crossing her face. Thomas nodded slowly.

'Oh dear, no wonder you're feeling unwell, come with me.' She said, moving back in the direction from where she came. Usually Thomas would've protested and told her not to go out of her way for him, but he felt so foul that he couldn't help but nod groggily.

'What's your name?' She asked as they walked.

'Thomas.' He replied, feeling rather close to tears. He didn't feel like Thomas anymore. He felt like an empty shell, used and broken and strangely warming to this woman who showed him the unusual expression of kindness.

They made their way back to the house, frequently stopping to allow Thomas to rest. The pain in his chest had worsened and his skin had turned a deathly pale colour.

When they arrived, Thomas would have looked up in awe at how beautiful it was, but he was too busy focusing on resisting the urge to vomit or cough in the presence of such exquisite grandeur.

They went around the back and entered through the servant's hall, thankful that it was busy today, leaving the hall almost empty save a couple of people who gave him an odd look as he passed. Mrs asked one of them to bring a bowl to the spare room straight away and he leapt up immediately, suggesting that this 'Mrs Hughes' had a certain authority downstairs.

The room was plain and simple but comfortable and Mrs Hughes sat him down, considering him for a moment before the man she had summoned earlier entered with a large bowl, handing it to Thomas.

'Thank you' he mumbled, swallowing thickly, tentatively looking up at the man.

'Could you please give him some clothes and make him something to drink?' Mrs Hughes asked. She moved to leave the room, but Thomas stayed her movements with his arm.

'Thank you' Thomas said genuinely, before watching her nod and leave briskly.

Thomas looked up at the man. His eyes skimmed over Thomas briefly before searching in the cupboard for some suitable pyjamas. Thomas felt his throat tighten and his stomach lurch, and once again he heaved into the bowl. The man looking in the cupboard noticeably jumped at the sudden retching sound and shuddered. He found what he was looking for and turned to see Thomas panting over the bowl, his face a dreadful pale colour. The man grimaced before moving towards Thomas and placing a reassuring hand on his back.

'Is that all of it?' he asked, reluctantly taking the bowl from him. Thomas nodded, wiping his mouth and looking up at the man like a lost child. The man pointed at the pyjamas on the bed as he exited

'Put those on, I'll be back in a moment' He said, covering the bowl with a sheet.

Thomas groaned, moving his heavy limbs to fit into the clothes (which were a perfect size) and crawling under the covers, shaking uncontrollably. He was so exhausted, he just closed his eyes and melted into a deep, yet uncomfortable sleep.

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**Poor Thomas! And this is just the beginning of his (mis)adventures! Reviews, follows and favourites are much appriciated as always! ;) Love you! xxxxx**


	11. Chapter 11

**Here is a nice long chapter for your viewing pleasure. Well not quite because Thomas is practically dying and looks like hell, but yeah. A massive cheers to all you humans (and non-humans) who have reviewed and followed my story, it means a lot to me :)**

**Onwards...**

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Thomas blearily opened his eyes and sat up. He felt horrible. His head pounded and his muscles ached painfully. He looked over at the bedside table and the sight of the food there made his stomach turn. He was surprised at his loss of appetite considering he hadn't eaten in a while, but he really didn't think he would be able to eat.

His throat hurt and at that moment, the pain was so overwhelming, he just wanted to die. Just when he thought things couldn't get any worse, he got ill. He coughed hard and brought up bloody phlegm and retched, but his stomach was too empty to bring anything up apart from burning acid in his throat. He sobbed in agony and groaned miserably. He fell back onto the pillow and squeezed his eyes tightly shut.

The door opened and the man from earlier entered the room. He glanced over at the quivering lump beneath the covers which he assumed was the man Mrs Hughes had called 'Thomas'. He frowned and moved towards the bed reluctantly, pouting like a child. He approached cautiously, peering nervously at the man curled up in bed.

'Are you quite alright?' He uttered, his lip curling slightly. He noticed that the bowl on the side had had its contents renewed and took a hasty step back. Thomas just moaned and peeked his head out slightly.

'Yes, I'm fine' He choked, looking a sickly pale bluish shade.

'God help me…' The man mumbled, looking at the pathetic form before him. His eyes were dark and he looked dreadfully exhausted, and he couldn't stop himself from shivering violently even though the room was substantially warm.

Thomas sat up and watched the man carefully. He looked nervous and disturbed and slightly squeamish. His features however were rather handsome; he looked about thirty, with smooth skin, dark wavy hair, and golden, amber eyes. He wore a footman's livery and his hair was combed neatly back, with a few stray tendrils resting over his forehead.

'My name is Eric' He said. He sounded rather posh, as though he should be from upstairs. 'Mrs Hughes has _generously _asked _me _to take a break from my duties and care for you.' He continued, looking down at Thomas, quirking one well-groomed eyebrow.

'Thank you' Thomas croaked, trying to sound human, 'But I'm alright, really'

Eric's heart cracked slightly at Thomas trying to protect his pride so desperately; he reminded Eric of himself when he was that age.

'Well can I get you anything?' He sighed, pulling a chair up beside the bed and sitting down.

'No, but can you stay please?' Thomas whispered, a vulnerable tone in his voice making Eric rethink his original immediate response.

'Fine.' Eric said, sitting back in the chair and retrieving the morning newspaper from the bedside table and holding it up to cover his face, reading it half-heartedly.

'Eric?'

'Hmm?'

'Will you tell me about Downton?' Thomas said weakly. A long audible sigh came from behind the newspaper. And Eric rolled his eyes. He put it down with a flourish and droned

'What would you like to know then?'

'Everything. Tell me about your job.' Eric sighed and pursed his lips.

'Well if you _must_ know, I am first footman here.' He began, warming to the idea of talking about himself. 'I serve at dinner and luncheon and such, and I carry the most important dishes, obviously, as first footman.' He looked at Thomas, a small proud smile playing on his perfect, full lips.

'What about the family?'

'What about them?'

'Tell me about them'

Eric sighed and began a long, intricate profile of each member of the household, about Lady Mary's engagement to Patrick Crawley and Edith's loneliness and Sybil's heated, opinionated debates at awkward times at the dinner table. Thomas watched him as he spoke. Even though Eric was a complete stranger and was slightly pretentious and snobbish, Thomas found something quite attractive about him.

He listened to Eric for ages until he began to feel rather sickly again, and sat up, massaging his stomach tenderly. Eric stopped talking and looked at him cautiously.

'Eric, I think I'm going to be sick!' He gulped, leaning forwards, trembling slightly. Eric reached for the bowl on the floor and shoved it onto the bed, holding it under Thomas' face. Sure enough, Thomas hurled into the bowl, painfully as there was hardly anything inside him to expel. Eric bit his lip and tried to stop himself from gagging as he rubbed Thomas' back reassuringly, feeling the tremors of his body and the heat of his skin through his pyjamas.

Thomas finished and dropped his head back on the pillow, clasping a hand over his forehead. He was still shivering and Eric looked down at him with a hint of sympathy.

'My head…' He groaned.

'Thomas you're temperate is very high, do you want to remove your shirt or something, you might overheat?' Eric said, tentatively feeling Thomas' forehead, concern crossing his face for a brief moment.

'No, I'm so cold.' He breathed, curling up beneath the covers again. Eric frowned and pulled them off him. His skin was coated in a sheen of sweat, and his pyjamas had dark, wet patches beneath his arms and down his back.

_I don't know anything about medicine… but if he's hot, I guess I should keep him cool?_

He pulled the covers off the bed, trying not to cringe as he felt the dampness of Thomas' sweat in the bed sheets. He disappeared out of the room for a moment, before returning to see Thomas in an even worse state, his hair wet and unkempt, his skin pale, his whole frail body uncontrollably trembling.

'Take off your pyjamas, Thomas' He said, moving towards the bed.

'What, Why?' Thomas felt a flush spread across his cheeks and it wasn't just from the fever. Eric almost rolled his eyes but stopped out of sympathy for the young man.

'Because you are covered in sweat. At least let me find you something clean to change into?' He sighed, sitting back beside Thomas. He did not know however, that Thomas had a lifetime of suffering etched into his skin, and the idea of revealing that to a complete stranger was not particularly appealing to him. But there was that glint in Eric's eyes that made Thomas feel an inkling of strange trust towards him. He nervously undid the first button.

'Come on! We're both men here, don't be so shy!' Eric said, smiling softly. Thomas undid all of his buttons and shrugged the shirt off his shoulders, looking down at the floor for a distraction.

'Dear god…' Eric began when he saw the scars and bruises along Thomas back, and the cuts along his forearm. 'What happened?' he said incredulously, feeling slightly unaccustomed to feeling these emotions of sympathy and sadness at another's suffering. Usually he was rather proud and self sufficient, but at that moment all he wanted to do was look after the young man.

'I'd rather not say to a complete stranger…' he replied shyly.

'Of course, sorry.' Eric said, looking away.

'Well, I'll take this' he took the damp pyjama shirt 'and find you something else to wear.' He went to leave the room, but stopped in the doorway looking thoughtful for a moment.

'And I'm going to call for a doctor.' He added, disappearing from sight.

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**So what do we think about Eric? ;)**

**I'm really enjoying writing this and reading your reviews people :D xxxx**


	12. Chapter 12

**MMMmmmThank you for the gorgeous reviews, especially to mentalillusions, who makes me smile out loud with her lovely reviews :D xxxx**

**Short chapter but hey ho, I updated early ;) And sorry for any mistakes or whatnot, but its gone midnight and I can't be arsed to check :)**

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Thomas felt weak and cold and empty, drifting in and out of consciousness all day. When the doctor came, ('Doctor Clarkson' they called him) he felt a firm grip on his shoulder and a face close to his ear.

'Thomas? Can you hear me?' A Scottish accent said very loudly and clearly. He opened his eyes, but the light hurt and he rolled over, burying his face in the pillow.

'Thomas?' The voice said again.

'Yes' He moaned, his voice muffled by the pillow beneath his face

He looked down and saw that he had a clean set of pyjamas on, even the bottoms. It then occurred to him that Eric would have had to _remove _his trousers and had seen him bare. He stood in the corner of the room, leaning against the wall looking utterly bored and Thomas felt sorry for him, having to look after some stranger, but when Eric caught his eye he did something completely unexpected. He smiled.

Eric had worked at the house for two and a half years. He was immediately appointed to first footman after an almost flawless interview and reference paper to show. He was known to be vain amongst his fellow staff, but they all knew there was a caring side to him all the same. He rarely showed it, however and he forgot he even had a kind part to him, he usually cared for himself, his appearance, his reputation and his comfort, so when he did partake in a good deed towards another person, he was shocked himself.

_And this stranger has come here, demanding my attention, and I can do nothing but give it to him. He has me under some sort of wicked spell. Eric Reynolds is NOT weak or merciful or nice any of that pathetic nonsense, this is just a phase. Of kindness. Which is COMPLETELY temporary._

But even Thomas, even though he was still feeling utterly miserable about his misfortunate occurrence with Edward, couldn't deny that some sort of bond was forming between the two men.

_A friendship with a well looked-upon staff member will surely help me secure a job here too…_

'Thomas, how are you feeling?' The Scottish man snapped him back to reality. Reality… he would rather be anywhere but there. Reality was the place that had tortured him so hard he had to drag himself through the agony of his mother's death, his father's abuse, the cruel thoughts that taunted him constantly and the pain of his first love leaving him for another. He much preferred that world he could escape into… his imagination; where people were kind and he was happy.

He wished that his imagination would become his reality…

_This is it. My new start; once I get better, I can leave my old life behind, start anew, make new friends and forget about Edward. Forget about everything._

'Thomas?'

'Yes, sorry… I feel… awful.'

'How?'

'My lungs, they feel tight and I can't breathe. My head hurts, I keep being sick, and I am absolutely freezing.' He said, pulling the blankets tightly around himself. The grey- haired, bushy-moustached Scottish man nodded and reached into his bag, pulling out a few medical objects.

'I'm going to run a few tests on you and we'll see how it goes, but if it's what I think it is, then I'm glad you called me early' He said to Eric rather seriously. Eric tried to hide his concern, but his facial expressions deceived him as Clarkson leaned close and muttered into his ear

'And I don't mean to worry him by telling him this, so I'm trusting you with this information…'

Thomas strained his ears to listen to what awful news the doctor was about to announce, but he was so weak, he just fell limply against the pillow, his head lolling back, blacked out to the world once more.

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**20 points for the first person to guess what illness Thomas has!**

**(Apart from cookinthekitchen because she already knows!) ;) xxxx**


	13. Chapter 13

**Sorry it's been a really late update, and it's quite short but I will try to write more this week**

**Still, hope you like it!**

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Eric looked down at the man lying still on the bed and his heart twisted cruelly. This boy had come into his life, given him _feelings _of _kindness_, and now he was facing the possibility of death…

_'Pneumonia' Doctor Clarkson said morosely. 'He's stayed out in the freezing cold for too long and caught a chest infection which has rapidly developed, and will indeed continue to get worse.'_

_Eric stared at him and frowned._

_'Isn't that deadly?' He breathed, aghast. Doctor Clarkson looked over at Thomas and then concernedly back to Eric._

_'It could be, especially in his case, and he hasn't eaten in a few days which will undoubtedly make it worse. It is fluid in the alveoli and it's very serious.' He walked over to Thomas and opened his pyjama top, revealing his pale, cold chest. He pulled a stethoscope out from his bag and proceeded to place it over his lungs, listening intently. He nodded._

_'I can hear the crackling in his lungs as he breathes, it is definitely pneumonia.'_

_He gave some tablets in a little pot to Eric._

_ 'Make sure he takes two every day, give him a hot bath, keep the windows open to circulate fresh air, give him plenty of rest and if he develops another fever, keep him cool.' The doctor said, almost mechanically as if he'd said it a hundred times before. Eric nodded and closed the door as the doctor left, and sat down beside Thomas, watching him sleep sadly._

Eric had genuinely never cared for anyone before, and he hated this boy for breaking his wall, but he thanked him for letting him feel. Perhaps it was because Thomas reminded him of himself when he was younger, or because he had spent a lot of time with him these last few days, but Eric hoped he would make it through unscathed.

Thomas frowned in his sleep and began stirring restlessly, mumbling agitatedly. Eric couldn't make out what he was saying, but he sounded pained and fearful. Sobbing and shaking, his body jerking and twitching, he wailed into his pillow, reaching out aimlessly with his hands. Eric panicked for a moment, unsure of what to do.

'Thomas?' He said, placing a hand on his shoulder, trying to steady him.

'Please! Please don't hurt me!' Thomas groaned, his fingers digging into the mattress. Eric leaned forward and ran his fingers through his hair, wrapping an arm around his back and holding him close, trying to calm him.

'Thomas shhh, I won't hurt you' he said soothingly, stroking the boy's head tenderly. Thomas' eyes flickered open with a little cry, and he saw Eric rocking him in his arms, whispering into his ear.

'Eric?' He asked shakily, pulling back slightly to look at his protector's face. Eric smiled softly at him and he broke down into tears, his whole body shaking and shuddering, the memories of the dream flashing through his mind as Eric held him. Memories of his father beating him over and over lingered menacingly, and he could feel his heat thudding with fear.

'Shh, I'm here' he whispered, stroking Thomas' forehead gently. 'Relax Thomas'

Thomas' body went limp and he just lay there, crying miserably for ages, Eric feeling helpless apart from the occasional calming word and reassuring touch.

When Thomas had stopped crying, he just sat there staring, his eyes red rimmed and his cheeks tear-stained.

'Thomas, I'm going to run you a bath, okay?'

'Why?'

'Because the doctor said-'

'-No, I mean why are you being so kind to me?' Thomas croaked, looking up to face Eric who looked as though he were thinking of a way to avoid the question.

'Because it's my duty.' He said sharply, and walked out of the room before his facial expressions could betray him. Thomas slumped back against the pillow and sighed, gripping his temple, frustrated.

_Why can't my life go the way I want for a change?_

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**Reviews are beautiful as are favourites, follows and the like**


	14. Chapter 14

**Sorry it's been ages again! Come summer, I should be more on track!**

**Thanks for reading! reviews are love!**

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Eric sat deep in thought whilst Thomas lay back in the bathtub and tried to relax. The hot water calmed him a little, but the vivid pictures of his nightmare lingered in his mind.

_What if he comes back?_

_{He can't, you're a grown man, and you can do as you please}_

He focused his mind back to reality and dragged his attention to Eric sitting down staring morosely at the floor. He couldn't help but notice the sharp curve of his jaw, the smooth contours of his thin but shapely lips, and the way his golden eyes seemed to shine as he stared thoughtfully at the floor.

'Thank you.' Thomas mumbled, distracting himself by rubbing soap over his body, hoping Eric wouldn't see the crack in his facade. Eric didn't reply, just nodded briskly, his eyes glancing at Thomas for a brief second.

'I'm sorry if I've upset you…'

'No you haven't- I'm just thinking.'

'He's always doing that' a boy of about Thomas' age strolled in with another bucketful of hot water, shooting a snarl at Eric. 'Don't want to make friends with him, mister, he's an odd one.' The boy sneered at Eric childishly, and poured the bucket into the bathtub, keeping his eyes maliciously on Eric the whole time.

'Oh shut up Joe' Eric bit, his eyes glaring. 'Get out, I can't be bothered with your petty little games.' He sighed.

'Oh look at you, so high and mighty! I bet you-'

'I said GET OUT.' He snapped in frustration, watching Joe skulk out of the room like a scolded child. Eric cursed under his breath, frustrated.

'I take it you two aren't the best of friends then?' Thomas asked, rubbing his soapy hands beneath his arms, looking at Eric questioningly. He laughed.

'Well that's the kind way of putting it!' he said, grinning at Thomas. 'He just winds everyone up for the sake of it. Bloody attention seeker' Eric said, rolling his eyes dramatically, the corner of his lip quirking.

'God, I don't even know why he has his job still. Anyway, he's just one of the many charming members of staff we have downstairs. He's almost as bad as Sarah O'Brien; I bet you'll love her!' He joked, sarcasm evident in his voice. Thomas smiled, but assumed the joke would make more sense if he actually knew the people he was talking about.

There was a pause, and both men looked at each other, wanting to say something but struggling to find the words.

'What will you do once you are better?' Eric asked, hoping that he would indeed get better and Dr. Clarkson's diagnosis was somehow wrong.

Thomas sighed, running the water over his skin thoughtfully as he contemplated his answer.

'Well I was hoping to find work here, but that was before I got ill.'

'And now?'

'I like it here, but I don't know if I can. I mean, I'm hardly a trained professional and I left school at 15.' He said quietly. Eric smiled.

'I'm sure I can train you up!' He said. Thomas' eyes brightened noticeably, but still held an ounce of doubt.

'Don't go out of your way for me.' He muttered, reaching up and soaping his hair.

'No, I want to,' Eric protested, shifting on his seat. 'I've gotten to like you Thomas; I'll speak to Mr Carson.' Thomas didn't know who he was but it appeared that he was the man in charge.

'Thank you.' Thomas said, nodding gratefully. 'For everything.' Eric smiled at him and threw him a towel as he stepped out of the bath.

Thomas bid Eric goodnight and returned weakly to his own room, but Eric frowned and followed him in.

'I'm not leaving you if that's what you think.' He said, slumping down on the bed at the other side of the room.

'But- your work?'

'Oh forget about that' Eric snorted, lying back against the pillow propped up behind his back, crossing his arms behind his head. 'I've been given time off to look after you.'

'Oh' Thomas muttered as he changed into some clean pyjamas, slipping under the covers.

'Goodnight!' Eric said, getting into his own pyjamas and blowing out the candle.

The bath had helped a little, but Thomas felt his throat growing dry and irritable once more. His breath caught and he fell into a bought of coughing, trying to suppress his coughs by covering his face with his pillow, and he swallowed rapidly, covering his mouth as he choked.

'Are you quite alright?' Eric's voice called out from the darkness.

'Fuck, I'm going to be sick again.' Thomas growled. Eric scrambled out of bed, grabbed the bowl beneath it and brought it to Thomas who took it shakily.

Eric soothed him, rubbing his back as he hunched over the bowl, his breath shaky and uneven, his face a sickly pale colour. A thin sheen of sweat glistened on his forehead, and his Adams apple worked quickly in his throat as he tried to suppress the retches threatening to occur.

'Sorry' he muttered, nostrils flaring as his stomach lurched and he leaned forwards, ready to horribly expel the contents of his stomach into the bowl.

'No, don't worry' Eric said, although he wished he could say the same for himself; he worried far too much about Thomas, and even though he got on well with most of the staff and could converse civilly with them, _{apart from that damned hallboy} _he still felt a special sense of affection for Thomas that he'd never felt for anyone before. Apart from a girl he'd known and loved dearly years ago, but that was the past and he'd changed since then.

Thomas' sounds of painful gagging brought him out of his miserable thoughts and back to his miserable reality. Thomas had only eaten half a sandwich that day because he'd been feeling too unwell to manage anything more, so there wasn't much for him to bring up apart from bile and poorly digested sandwich.

Eric scrunched up his nose as Thomas was sick, shuddering slightly.

_Damn, he hasn't improved one bit._

Thomas choked out the last of it and groaned, flopping back onto his pillow, exhaustedly as Eric briefly left the room to exchange the bowl.

When Eric returned, Thomas was fast asleep, sprawled on top of the covers, and he moved quietly, carefully maneuvering him beneath the covers into a more comfortable position. He crept silently back to his own bed and almost immediately dropped into a deep slumber, not even waking when Thomas began moaning and shaking in his sleep from fever-induced nightmares, eventually waking in his own sweat and a small sigh of relief that it was only a dream.

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**So what do you think of this fic so far? Thanks for follows and favourites :) xxxx**


	15. Chapter 15

**So sorry it's been so long, I've been busy! (not that that's any excuse!) So here's a chapter, hope you like it :)**

**cheers xxxx**

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Squinting at the gleaming beams of light shining through a small gap in the curtains in the window, Eric sat up in bed, rubbing his eyes hazily. He stretched and slowly rolled out of bed, heavy lidded and exhausted from being up so late the night before.

He glanced over at Thomas, who was pale and rasping; a sight resembling a ghost if one could believe in such a thing. His hair stuck in damp strands to his heated forehead, and his chest rose and fell rapidly, as if he were running rather than sleeping. There was a gentle knock at the door.

'Come in.' Eric groaned, still feeling rather outweighed by fatigue, but attempted to straighten up as Mrs Hughes appeared at the doorway.

'Mrs Hughes, I didn't know you-'

'-I know I'm not supposed to be here in the men's quarters, but I came to see how he is.'

'Not very well, He's gotten a lot worse.'

They both looked down at the sleeping man, who was sweating heavily and twitching, mumbling an incomprehensible string of words into his sweat damp pillow. He began trembling violently, and Eric looked to Mrs Hughes concernedly.

'He has nightmares when he has these fevers… I don't know what of but it seems to be a recurring one.' He uttered. He wasn't prepared to tell Mrs Hughes-or anyone for that matter- anything about the scars he had seen on Thomas' body until he knew the full story. He wasn't going to force it out of Thomas, but he was obviously somewhat curious.

Thomas' eyes flickered suddenly open, and at the sight of Eric and Mrs Hughes standing over him, he jumped a little and let out a startled cry. He then stared up at them, wide eyed and panting slightly, sweat soaked hair straying in front of his eyes.

'How are you feeling Thomas?' Mrs Hughes asked softly, as Thomas just blinked at her confusedly.

'It hurts.' He said, his voice cracking and his throat incredibly dry. Mrs Hughes looked at him sympathetically and sighed. His cheeks had a blotchy flush spread across them, and he was awfully clammy and cold but sweating heavily. His breathing came in rasps and he had frequent bouts of raw, harsh coughing. She mumbled something to Eric who nodded and went away quickly, returning with a small bottle of pills, and a glass of water.

Mrs Hughes shook her head as Thomas gasped between coughs and handed him a handkerchief into which he choked up specks of blood amongst mucus. Eric gestured for him to lie back, shrugging at Mrs Hughes who reluctantly left the room; her natural mothering instinct settling in, making her feel helplessly compelled to help the young man. Eric sat beside Thomas on the stool beside the bed and smiled softly, handing Thomas the bottle of pills and water.

'Take these' he coaxed, watching Thomas drink the water and swallow the pills. He doubled over as he suddenly burst out coughing again, wheezing and heaving until his throat hurt.

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**Hoping the next one will be up sooner than this one! :)**


	16. Chapter 16

Months passed, and Thomas gradually improved with the nurture of Eric and Mrs Hughes. He regained his strength and appetite, and found himself increasingly insistent to venture downstairs.

One morning he woke up to Eric watching him calmly. It gave him a small shock at first, as usually he was up before Eric, but he rubbed his blurry eyes and smiled sleepily at him.

'You look a lot better' he said softly, resting his palm against Thomas' forehead in a medical and also caring gesture.

'I _feel_ a lot better too' Thomas replied, rubbing the evidence of a dreamless night from his eyes. The fever had calmed, meaning that the nightmares had too, which gave Eric more time sleeping and less time trying to calm him down.

'I think you'll be ready to start work soon. I'll put a word in for you.' Eric said, getting up. He wasn't dressed yet, and Thomas averted his eyes as he began removing his pyjamas.

'Are you sure? You don't have to you know' Thomas said, catching a glimpse of long, muscular legs and a lean frame as he stripped to his underwear.

'Thomas, I want to' he said, turning to face the younger man. As he pulled his shirt over his head, Thomas couldn't help but notice the rather prominent bulge in his underwear.

'Thank you he muttered, stepping weakly out of bed. He stretched his legs and back- a luxury he had long been deprived of since he had been bed-ridden.

'Are you getting up today?' Eric asked, straightening his jacket and heading for the door Thomas nodded.

'I hope to. I feel a whole lot better.'

'Good.' Eric uttered and left, adding, 'I'll be back soon.'

Thomas had managed to wobble his way downstairs, and was met with the warm smile of Mrs Hughes.

'Hello Thomas, are you feeling much better?'

'Yes thank you Mrs Hughes.' He replied gratefully. Aside from the odd cough or weakness in his legs, he was truthfully feeling almost well again and was ready to face the world once more.

She smiled and continued on her way, leaving Thomas wondering what to do now he was finally out in public.

His question was soon answered when a voice called from across the room

'Thomas!'

He spun around- maybe a little too quickly- and saw Eric, waving him over briskly.

'Thomas, come here; Mr Carson wishes to speak with you.'

'Who?'

'The Butler' Eric seemed somewhat excited although Thomas couldn't quite pinpoint the reason why. Whatever the cause, he wasn't disguising it very well.

Thomas and Eric had grown close in the short time they had known each other, and had formed something of a friendship. Eric was vain, arrogant and a fairly upper class belonging sort of man, but with Thomas, he found himself warming to the younger man and Thomas could often see flashes of kindness and humour, but the most shocking of his secret traits was his utter immaturity.

Not so much silliness or misbehaviour, but genuine childishness. He would giggle at small, inappropriate things, and be playful and carefree, but he buried these charming, almost endearing traits beneath a pompous exterior. He was also rather excitable, so Thomas wasn't very sure whether to be unnerved or reassured by his sudden burst of joy.

'What does he want? I'll pay for my stay just as soon as I can find work, I just-'

'-Shut up Thomas, just knock on his office.' Eric snapped, ushering him through the corridor.

He was apparently impatient too.

Thomas knocked gingerly on the door, glaring suspiciously at Eric

'What've you done-?'

'-Come in!' A voice boomed from inside the office. Thomas stepped in with a last glance at a sheepish looking Eric.

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**SO SORRY for the long wait, but I've been having a really difficult time and fitting fanfiction in with life is very hard!**

**so also apologies is its awful but I promise it will improve guys 3 love you xxxx**


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